teenagers_seriesfandomcom-20200214-history
Teeny-Vision/transcript
''Teeny-Vision ''is the eleventh episode from the first season of the animated series. It was created by Derk Drymon and written by Ray Lovejoy III. It aired on TV on October 12, 1997. (The episode starts off with a night view of Ben's condo, with a light turning on from the living room window and a sound of footsteps walking down the stairs.) Dan: All of the world's best ever broadcasts air at precisely 5:00 in the morning. (Picks up the remote and turns on the TV.) Announcer: Our programming will begin shortly. Dan: No, no, no. Take your time. It's worth the wait. Announcer: Chicago Public Access presents... (Dan claps his hands three times.) Announcer: ...Dog Tales. ''With all of your favorite tips to know about training and keeping your dogs healthy! (Golden Retriever barks twice.) Not to mention all of the examples of healthy food choices for your puppies! And let's not forget to check our mailbox! ''Dog Tales... Dan: Here we go, babe. (Takes a sip from his cup.) Announcer: ...has been cancelled! Dan: (Blows out some steam from his mouth.) Oh, that's right. I haven't made the hot chocolate yet. (Cuts to him at the stove.) Why on Earth would they cancel Dog Tales? ''What the hell could possibly be more enriching? (Takes a drink of his refreshment when loud house music blares on the TV. Dan spits out the drink from his mouth and screams.) (A man, standing on a mountain of bones, sings "Live it Up" by Rubix, as the words ''Thaddeus the Rap God ''zooms in on the screen. It cuts to Thaddeus stepping back from the camera.) Thaddeus: Hey, I'm Thaddeus the Rap God. Now, I don't have a song just yet because this is just a test episode. If I did, it would be a really killer one like Sleazy D's. Dan: (scoffs) He obviously doesn't know the first thing about entertainment. Thaddeus: So, if you want to be buddies, just call my number, 555-WROK. Or if you just want to-- (Telephone rings.) Hold that thought. (He answers.) Yello, Rap God Hotline? Dan: Where is my ''Dog Tales? Thaddeus: (chuckles) Your what? Dan: Obviously, you wouldn't know entertainment if it bit you on the rap! Thaddeus: Uh, I don't have a rap. Dan: Do they give a show to just ''anyone ''out there? Thaddeus: Yeah, pretty much. My mom got me this one for my birthday. Dan: Really? Thaddeus: Yeah. I could've wanted an electric organ or a star named after me but, you know, I guess a TV show was cool. Dan: It's that easy!? (Dan hangs up the phone but picks it up again and calls the TV station.) Hello, Chicago Public Access? GIVE ME A TV SHOW! GIVE ME A TV SHOW! I WANT A SHOW! (Scene cuts to Dan at school, at recess, sitting on the monkey bars and thinking.) ''Come on, Dan. The day's almost over. ''Yeah, it is. Then the basking begins! (He laughs, until he sees Emmet hanging right next to him, laughing as well.) Emmet: So, when will this said "basking" take place? Dan: As a friend, I can't say because the last thing on my mind is for people to show up. (Dan resumes thinking.) ''No, no, no no no no. Wait, Danny Boy. Ever since you've turned 7, you've had enough glory to rub into someone's face. I mean, look at 'im. ''(Emmet winks at him.) ''Okay, I'll do it. ''On second thought, Emmet, I'll tell you, but first... (Dan grabs two pieces of chewed up chewing gum from the far end of a bar.) ...stick these in your ears. Emmet: Okay. (Emmet puts them in his ears.) Dan: Now, I don't mean to toot my own whistle, but, oh wait! That's exactly what I wanna do! (Cuts to Emmet's point of hearing, with Dan just mumbling and cackling.) Emmet: Uh, say again, Dan? (The bell rings.) Dan: Quittin' time already!? (He jumps off the bar and the scene cuts to Ben's condo again. Then, the CAN TV logo appears with its announcer.) Announcer: Chicago Public Access presents... (Cuts to the ''Danny's Life ''title card.) ...''Danny's Life, ''with your host, Danny Karp! (Cuts to Dan's room with posters behind him and his desk.) Dan: Well, thank you all for joining me today. (Scene cuts to Ethan sitting on the ground watching the living room TV, with a western show on. He changes the channel with his paw.) Today on ''Danny's Life, ''we'll be... (Emmet walks into the room with a laundry basket and walks over to the screen.) ...discussing underappreciated artists, such as myself, much to my own dismay. Emmet: Danny's on TV! (He screams with delight as he drops the basket and sprints to Dan's room.) Dan! (He opens the door and runs in, until he walks out, shuts the door, knocks, then re-enters.) Dan: Now, with a few homey-- Emmet: Dan! You're on TV. (Awkward silence.) No, really, Dan! Come look! Dan: I know I'm on TV! See the camera? (The two look at the camera.) You're on TV, too. Emmet: TeeeeeeVeeeeeee!? Cool! (He runs out of the room and back into the living room, where he inserts a blank VHS tape into the VCR and hits the record button.) Dan: Whatever. Now, as I was saying, today on ''Danny's Life, ''we're gonna-- Nick: Wow! (Emmet walks him into the room.) Emmet: So, as I was doing laundry, I saw Dan on TV. So I ran in here to tell him that he was on TV, and then I was on TV, and now, ''you're ''on TV! Nick: I'M ON TV!!?? (Nick rushes out of Dan's room and into his own room, where he sits on his bed and turns on his TV set.) Dan: This isn't happening! Nick: I'm not on TV! (Nick turns it off and runs back to Dan's room.) Emmet, after you said I was on TV, I went into my room, and turned on my TV, but I wasn't on it! Why did you lie to me, Emmet? Why? Dan: (annoyingly) Nick, just how dumb are you pretending to act today? Nick: Huh? Dan: (sighs) If you want to be on TV, you have to be in front of the camera. (He points to the camera.) Nick: Ohhh! I get it now! (Nick walks up to the lens.) Ahh! Hi, TV people! (He laughs and opens his mouth.) Ooh, my mouth is on TV! (Scene cuts to another TV screen where it shows Nick's entire mouth.) Old Woman: This is disgusting! Nick: Dan, I'm sorry, but I can't stop showing off! Dan: Okay, Nick-a-roo, since you like the camera so much, why don't you be the cameraman? Nick: The cameraman? Are you sure? Dan: That means you get to take all the pretty pictures. (Makes air quotes.) Nick: Okay, that's kinda fun. Emmet: Can I have something to do, too? Dan: Here. (He reaches for a boom mic.) You can be the boom operator. Emmet: Is that the guy who's responsible for all the special effects? Dan: No, Emmet, that would be Spielberg. Now, if we could just get back to work. (Hands the mic to Emmet. Cuts to the camera's point of view, which is pointing to a picture of Dan playing with balloons at Jellyfish Fields.) Why isn't the camera on me? (Nick moves the camera to the picture of Dan in the bathtub at home.) No, I'm the one talking! (Nick moves the camera to a caricature of Dan.) No, I'm right HERE! AHEM! (Nick gets the camera on Dan.) Now, as we get to my seat, we can finally get on with the show. (Dan sits down but the camera cuts his mouth and nose off.) Nick, I'm down here. (The camera moves down.) Now, today on ''Dan-- ''(Nick moves the camera up and back down.) Today-- (Nick continues to move the camera up and down over and over again, triggering Dan.) Nick: Upsy-daisy. Lousy-wowsy. Upsy-daisy. Lousy-wowsy. (Dan gets up and stills the camera. As he sits back down, Nick looks shocked.) Dan: Now then, today on ''Danny's Life, ''we might start off with-- (Emmet accidently pushes the boom mic into Dan's mouth, loosing his balance.) Emmet: It's heavy. (Dan gets up and puts a stand on the bottom of the pole of the mic.) Thanks, Dan! You're a pal! (Scene cuts to Mrs. Lee's house, where she is watching ''The Price is Right ''on her TV.) Bob Barker: Lindsay, if you guess this answer correct... Mrs. Lee: Boring. Why isn't there anything good on television anymore? (She changes the channel.) Nick (on TV): I have to good to the bathroom! Mrs. Lee: Well, I'll be damned! Dan's got a TV show now? (Scene cuts back to Dan's room, at the camera's point of view.) Dan: Well, you'll just have to hold it Nick! Now then, if there are no more interruptions, today on ''Danny's Life, ''I'll put-- (Mrs. Lee storms in with a sign that reads "To: You and Yours; From: The Guarantee, Kelly Lee!") Mrs. Lee: Do you need a substitute teacher? Just call me, Mrs. Lee! And remember, I style in dandelion perfume each day! Dan: OUT! (He pushes Mrs. Lee out of the room and shuts the door offscreen.) So, today, I'm going to put-- Mrs. Lee: (singing) #Just call me, Mrs. Lee! I don't just want you! I want your students, too!# (Scene cuts to Max's room, who's watching the same thing on his TV.) Max: Ho-ly crap! Line dancing? You call that line dancing? I can line dance better than that! (Back on set, Mrs. Lee is dancing until Max runs into Dan's room and starts to dance in front of the camera too.) Dan: Oh, come on! Not you! Max: Shut it, you! I'm stayin' 'till it ends! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whooooo! (Scene cuts back to Max's room, where Chloe walks in, looking for Max.) Chloe: Max, I'm borrowing your wallet! (She looks at the screen.) Line dancing? I can do ten times better than THAT! (Back on set, Mrs. Lee and Max are still dancing as Emmet is whistling a tune for them, until the two run out of the way as Chloe jumps down onto Dan's desk, breaking it to smithereens. She starts to jump around with pom-poms.) Chloe: Go, team, go! Go, team, go! (Scene cuts to Ben's room, where he's watching the same thing.) Ben: Dance, dance, dance. Too much dance. Dan needs some graphics. Uncle Tom, where did you put my paintball gun? Chloe: Fight, team, fight! Fight, team, fight! (Paint splats everywhere in sight, breaking off the pictures of Dan's cardboard posters, which collapse. Ben runs in front of the camera with his weapon.) Ben: Play paintball and laser tag or perish! (Mrs. Lee shoves him out of the way and dances in front of the camera, while smothered in paint.) Mrs. Lee: (singing) #Hungry Jacks, the Hungry Jacks, eat at the Hungry Jacks!# Dan: Noooo! My show! (He begins to cry softly, as Emmet crawls up behind him and starts to massage his shoulders. Emmet: You seem tense. Dan: (He slaps Emmet's hands.) Stop that. (He grows furious.) EVERYONE, GEEEEEEEEET OOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUT! (Everyone freezes and stares at him.) What do you think this is, huh!? Some sort of housewarming!? Sam: (From outside of the window.) Did somebody say "housewarming?" Come on in, everybody! It's a housewarming! (Everyone climbs in through the window and crowd up the whole room, surprising Dan.) Nick: (laughing) Haha! This is fun! (Scene cuts to the front of Ben's condo, where a massive limousine pulls up.) Dan: Everyone, shape in and ship the hell out of my room! You guys are ruining my show! (Into the room walks a man in a suit.) Mr. Goldman: And I'd say this show is doing just fine. Dan: (gasps) Sebastian Goldman, the local TV executive! Category:Season One Episode Transcripts Category:Transcripts